Exploring Emotional Responses without Saying “Yes, but”

In the last post in this series, we spoke about two types of emotions: primary and secondary. As we discussed, secondary emotions are easier to regulate or alter if required. An alternative response might be to be reluctant and agree in some aspects, "yes," then invalidate and defend with "but."

The phrase "yes, but" is a barrier to emotional growth since it may trigger a chain reaction of negative feelings and behaviors. " I don't like being angry, yet this circumstance is unfair and frustrating," you could tell yourself. "And so, in my anger, I will misbehave."  By making this choice, you may harm yourself or others, or those recovering from addiction may relapse and use drugs again. 


Changing our emotional reactions requires us to put in work, keep up our willingness, and have the ability to choose what's best for us. When coping with intense feelings, the "yeah, but" reaction that might pop into our heads can be a significant roadblock. For this transformation to occur, we must be committed to putting in the necessary effort and have a firm grasp on what is in our own best interests. Then, and only then, can we make the improvements required to move ahead constructively?


When you are tempted to respond with "yes, but" it may be good to remind yourself that there are only four possible outcomes. 


You are entitled to have any feelings you want. Your experience will not be invalidated if you choose a different reaction if you are experiencing pain and suffering due to harmful or unhealthy emotions. Add drugs and alcohol to any situation, and the dynamics may quickly deteriorate. Your ability to manage your feelings may weaken significantly.


Option 1: If you can't find respite in the present situation, try changing it or leaving the setting altogether. 


It's essential to look for a way out of a sticky situation or at least one that can be altered before giving up. Whether to remain there and try to improve things or cut your losses and choose a new path is complex. The optimal response is determined by the specifics of the event and the person's wants and preferences.


Option 2: While the problem is still there, you may be able to feel less upset by modifying your emotional reaction to it. 


Taking a few deep breaths, talking to yourself, or rethinking the situation can help you find a solution. While the problem itself will persist, your emotional response to it is something you can control. You may then use this information to go forward with solutions that are grounded in reality.


Option 3: Accept everything as it is. To rephrase, recognize that you have no control over your current situation or feelings, but accepting them wholeheartedly may give you some welcome freedom. 


Accepting a challenging circumstance radically is an active approach to finding solutions. It's predicated on recognizing that specific issues are unsolvable no matter how hard we try. For us to really and happily accept it, we need to adopt a stance of radical acceptance. When you do this, you may feel less bound and experience more freedom.


Option 4: Struggle and experience terrible pain. (You may make problems much worse.) 


Taking steps to fix the issue or getting aid from others can make you feel better and ultimately result in a more positive conclusion. Physical and mental health and interpersonal relationships are all negatively impacted when people remain unhappy.


Maintaining a “yes, but” attitude is simple if you're not ready to put in any effort. On the other hand, being in touch with your emotions might alter the way you react. Changing negative emotions might be challenging at first, but with experience, you'll be able to do it in more helpful and efficient ways, especially during times of high intensity. 


Wish Recovery is one of the leading luxury dual diagnosis treatment centers where patients may learn to manage their emotions better and make healthier choices in response to stressful situations. To find out more, please get in touch with us right now.

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